The Girl Who Sits in the Car (repost from 2012)

This is a reprint of an old blog I wrote in 2012. This repost is for Crystal.


A couple of years ago I traveled to Austin for a gig with my rock band, Lovie. On the journey we stopped at a vintage store on I-35 called Style Station. All four of us perused the vintage goods offered at this lovely little spot in the middle of nowhere. I ended up finding a kickass retro Brunswick bowling ball bag that ended up being my gig gear tote where I keep my stage cables, pedals and my spare microphone. I paid for my bag, walked out the front door and got into the car. I had no idea at the time that that simple act would end up being a touchstone for me for years to come when I was feeling shaky about making decisions.

I don't even remember when she brought it up to me anymore, but my bandmate Rebecca later told me that when I left the store without everyone being finished shopping, she had a reaction. She told me that my simple action of just leaving made her go through a range of feelings and emotions and ultimately gained her admiration. She told me that she wanted to be the Girl Who Sits in the Car.

A lot of us have grown up to believe that we need to please everyone else and ignore our own needs and feelings. When we have a feeling that's normal, we push it away and/or judge it. When something doesn't feel good, but someone else wants you to do it, you do it anyway because you don't want them to feel bad, nor do you want them to not like you anymore. You end up being non-confrontational and a people-pleaser, which ironically pleases nobody and creates unhealthy relationships, victim mentality and martyrdom. Yuck!

When I went out to sit in the car I told everyone without speaking that I am done shopping. You guys finish up at your own pace, but I don't feel the need to walk after you carrying your purchases. My actions are independent of yours and this is fine. I am in no hurry for you to finish up, I just want to sit in the car. It does not mean that you need to come with me. I am going to sit here and listen to the radio. I made this decision to sit here and you may or may not like it. I am not here to take care of you, I need to take care of me. You will be okay.

So when I make a decision that's best for me that I know may not please someone else, I say to myself, "You are The Girl Who Sits in The Car."

I know that sitting in the car is best for me in the long run. It can be very uncomfortable in the short run, but if I just sit there and remember that as time passes, my decision becomes easier for everyone.  Eventually all the shopping is done and everyone gets in the car with you. And the people who are still mad at you for not following their rules and living up to their expectations will be able to choose between getting in the car with you or hitching a ride with someone else. And you will let them.